Baby Bullies: An Update

The names and daycare name have been changed to protect the parties involved. 

As promised in the comments of the original Baby Bullies post, I am providing an update to the bullying situation at Braden’s daycare.  

In my discussion with Christine (Center Director), I learned that I was mistaken in assuming the parents of the two bullies were aware of their behavior.  You see, the daycare’s protocol, when there is an incident, is for a report to be written for the victim and for the offender.  In Braden’s case, however, the reports were only being written for Braden, and not the bullies.  Which has a few implications.  First, it means that the parents did not know that their kids were hurting Braden.  Second, it means that we do not know the exact chain of events that led to each incident, as no one documented it at the time.  And third, the school has no record of the bad behavior and therefore cannot take any action in terms of removing these children from the daycare even if there had been enough incidents to do so. 

And I’m okay with that.  Here’s why:  Unfortunately, the management at the center was not proactive enough to ensure these incidents didn’t happen in the first place.  On the other hand, they were extremely responsive once it was brought to their attention.  If the issues had not been prevented or addressed properly in the first place, it wouldn’t be fair to these children or their parents to have them removed.  So everyone is starting with a clean slate.

When Christine and I met via telephone, I jumped right in. “So?  What was discovered during the observation [that was conducted in the classroom and on the playground]?”  I WAS NERVOUS.  My biggest fear was that I would find out that I caused all this upheaval and it was actually MY kid who was the instigator.  SO NERVOUS.  But, thankfully, such was not the case.  She informed me that Braden was kind and well-behaved, but what seemed to be the source of many of the kiddie conflicts was the toys that the children bring from home. 

Every day Braden brought a toy in.  His father and I had a rule about the size of the toy – “it must fit in your pocket”.  I hated that he brought a toy, but I couldn’t be the only parent who told him he couldn’t.  It was a fight most mornings over what “fit” in his pocket.  He’d have the foot of a 12″ dinosaur tucked in his front jeans pocket arguing with me that “SEE!  IT FITS!”  I’d be late for work over searching for xyz toy that “was just right here!”  And half the time the toys didn’t make it back home.  The kids were fighting over them, having sharing issues, judging each other on the how “awesome” their toys were, taking other kids’ home, etc.  Alas!  No more outside toys at school!

The staff had a meeting and discussed the importance of following the incident reporting protocol.  The teachers worked manners, conflict resolution and appropriate behavior into the curriculum.  What used to be a first day of school introductory talk is now a weekly discussion with the children about how to use your words, only say something if you have something nice to say, keep your hands to yourself, tell the teacher if someone is bothering you, etc. 

I am very pleased with the Center Director’s response.  And… so far, so good.  Braden has come home injury-free for the last three weeks!

Tagged as: Braden, daycare, Parenting