Introducing another new category on My Life, Incomplete, MLI Discussions. I’ve been visiting some great sites like The Singlemommyhood, Single Mom Seeking, and MomLogic, all of which have inspired me to start this category. I’ve had a lot of ideas about topics I’d like to engage you in, rather than just write at you about, yet I didn’t feel that a discussion forum fit within My Life, Incomplete – so much so that I offered up a couple of my discussion ideas to other sites (I’ll credit them specifically, if and when they are published). But today I made an executive decision: My Life, Incomplete is MY site, and I can make a discussion forum fit if I want to. So ha!
I’m so glad Thanksgiving is just a few days away. Reason being that I have so much to give thanks for, and while I try to show my gratitude to those here in the flesh who impact my life in positive ways and I give thanks to the Lord above for my blessings daily - this year, I feel like I really need a WHOLE DAY to celebrate all of the good that has come in to my life in the past year or two.
That said, it seems I’ve had to ask more than offer lately, when talking to the Big Man. So many people I know are suffering in so many ways. It seems that my really good year has been a really bad year for the people I love, the people they love and the people I know of. I feel there has been more than a year’s worth of illness, heartache, misfortune, and sadness packed into 2009. And there is nothing I can do but pray. And while prayer is powerful, and has its purpose, it does not answer my question. How can I help? Here. Now. When there is nothing I can do to stop the pain, how do I help my loved ones get through? How do you?
When you have to watch someone you love suffer, what do you do? How do you help when there’s nothing you can do to help?
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Very good question! I look forward to other responses.
Lauren, eighteen months ago my ex-fiancee stole essentially every possesion I had. Since then it’s all been uphill and positive and I really have a difficult time seeing so many people I care for struggling in so many ways. I’ve given this a great deal of thought and the bottom line is you can’t help everyone in the world but if you can make a difference in a few people’s lives you’ve accomplished a great deal, how to we do that?
I firmly believe that the way we (the fortunate) help those around us is by being extremely positive as often as possible and frequently point out that things could be far worse for folks. What we need to build up in those less fortunate is “Belief” and I mean belief in themselves not religion. Pointing out to folks how they surmounted tough odds in the past also seems to help.
Hope my words are somewhat helpful:)
Al, thank you for your response! It’s amazing how coming out of the bad makes the good so much better, isn’t it?
I struggle with this so much as I see loved ones deal with their babies’ diseases and illnesses, people fighting cancer, friends struggling to connect with their children, trying to keep their marriage together. There’s just so much – and sometimes it feels almost foolish to be positive in the face of their struggles. Does that make sense?
I like that you say that what they need to build is “belief in themselves.” This is so true for the life challenges that people are presented with – such as yours and mine: relationship issues, career issues, parenting issues, etc. But what can we do when a two year old is in the hospital fighting for life? Or a family member is suffering severe mental illness? Or a parent family is kept from their children and grandchildren? These are the things I struggle with most. How do I offer comfort in such trying times? (I’m not asking you to respond again, Al, just elaborating…)
Lauren, I have learned throughout my lives struggles and those of people I love and care about that prayers are a big part of helping. There is nothing like a friends voice and a friends ear and a great big hug from a friend to get you through the difficult times. This is especially true when you can’t change a situation because God knows there are so many of those. We get through these times because we have family and friends to love us and encourage and support us and yes make us laugh. I hope this helps. It helped me just to write it. Trust in what a great friend, daughter, sister, and Mom that you are.
Joan, thanks for your input. You are one of my best role models for how to help a friend in need of support. In fact, if I didn’t feel so utterly helpless as of late, I probably wouldn’t have brought this discussion topic to the table, because I would look to you to model myself after in these situations. But it just seems like nothing is enough when it gets so bad, and for so many. And then your words come off my screen and into my heart, yet again. I don’t see how else I could make a difference to these people than to follow your lead. Thank you for that. Thank you for being such a good friend to me and showing me how to be a good friend to others. I love you.
Life is not easy and you have to try to make the best of it.
Personally, I try to help by building up people’s self-efficacy. I spent years of my life trying to help people that didn’t seem to want (or know how) to help themselves. Life can be so complicated, especially when we have to go through struggles to learn something valuable. I try to be a support or catalyst for people when I can. In some cases, all a person can really do is just be there in stormy times.
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