Overstimulated

My life is good.  And full.  Things seem to be going right, and though my head is always in the clouds (dreamer that I am), my feet seem to be planting themselves more firmly in the ground every day.  For the past week I’ve been caught up in the reverie of it all.  Thoughts and emotions swirling around inside my head and in my heart.  I’ve been trying to figure out how to get it into some sort of meaningful blog post, but I’m over stimulated.  I’ve got so much to say that I can’t seem to say anything at all.

What I find most interesting is that “The Secret” (remember that craze?) seems to hold some weight with me, after all.  Now, I really don’t believe that if I say “I am a millionaire,” I will become a millionaire — my head isn’t that high up in the clouds.  But I am finding that the Law of Attraction has some validity.  I believe that like attracts like, and what you focus on grows.

Put your fog horns down, there’s no need for alarm here: I’ve been seeing a counselor.  Not so much lately, but leading up to the divorce and for about a year after.  Like many women (people, for that matter) enduring life-altering experiences, I needed some help sorting it all out.  I go back on occasion – for a tune-up, so to speak.

A few months ago, when life was feeling a little out of my control, I made an appointment to talk it out and get some perspective.  At the time, Ex-Husband and I were in mediation, trying to work out our parenting schedule.  I was struggling with the “long-distance” part of my long-distance relationship with Doug.  I was desperately trying to find a new home for Braden and I that I could afford, but also met my unrealistically high standards.  My finances were a fiasco.  And I had a dream to write and make a contribution, but I had no idea what to do with it.  I was suffering from some severe anxiety and I needed to course correct.

In that session, my counselor asked me to list what I value most in life, then to describe my life.  I did, and she listed key points on her white board.  Then she asked me to describe how I’d like my life to be, and noted that as well.  With this exercise she brought to light that in every area that I place the most value, there was a considerable gap between my actual life and my ideal life.  And my barriers were mostly external, over which I had little control (or seemingly so at the time).

I didn’t really take much from that session, other than the realization that my life was, well, incomplete.  And that my anxiety is often triggered by a perceived of lack of control over my circumstances.  But now, as I sit in my peaceful, cozy home of my own, writing a blog post, while Braden is at his dad’s (where he’ll be every other Sunday for as long as I can see) and anticipating tomorrow’s dinner with Ex-Husband’s Girlfriend, I get it.

Getting my “ideal life” up on that white board was the first step.  The rest sort of fell in to place.  This is not to say that it didn’t require action on my part, but that once it was in my face, the action seemed to follow more naturally.  And life unfolded in surprising ways – each good thing bringing another, and so on and so forth.

So as I sit here and bask in this goodness, I’ve lost sight of what the heck to blog about.  For now.

Tagged as: Blogging, Braden, divorce, Doug, ex-husband, gratitude, Relationships, Single Mom, therapy, values, Writing